Last week, I spent most of my time working on Mario Kart World, explaining to others how to unlock its roster of characters, and costumes for them to wear, among guides for other new mechanics. It was while I looked into Dash Foods – those yellow lunch bags with a tasty treat inside that have the possibility of unlocking a new costume – that I had a particularly damning realisation.
These Dash Foods, which range from bottles of milk to burgers to meals as outlandish as the Prehistoric Feast, can be picked up from various food stalls across the open-world map. Sometimes, you’ll even pick them up from the back of a food truck or van, or may even find them laying on the side of the road. This only raised more questions for me later.
The main question at hand is where exactly do these Dash Foods come from? Now, we know Peach and Daisy seem to have their own bakery – Royal Patisserie Desserts – which produces all kinds of baked goods, but head over to Cheep Cheep Beach, and sushi is on the menu. Immediately, my mind imagined the worst: all those Cheep Cheeps I’ve crashed into and called every name under the sun… they’re meeting a fate much worse than 2nd place.
Head on over to Mario Bros. Circuit and burgers are being served. We all know that your average burger comes from a cow, and guess which track is just a short drive away? Moo Moo Meadows. It’s getting worse.
While I have always had my suspicions that Moo Moo Meadows wasn’t the idyllic petting farm I’d once imagined it to be – after all, it’s clear as day now that Mario Kart World’s characters are not vegetarian – I didn’t quite expect the Meadows’ beloved cows to also be getting turned into burgers once myself and my friends crash into them repeatedly. I mean, there’s still every chance these are Yoshi burgers, and honestly, that might be even harder to come to terms with.
Let’s not forget that the iconic Moo Moo Meadows’ Cow is now among the character roster in Mario Kart World, as well as Cheep Cheep. Does this mean that cannibalism is also widely accepted in the Mario Kart universe? Is the lava moat surrounding Bowser’s Castle part of the Kingdom’s corpse disposal plan? Is Toad’s Factory actually being used for the production of Dash Foods as well as item boxes now? That would definitely explain all of the factory’s contraptions that are intent on squishing you and your fellow racers…
As well as burgers and sushi (and fish and chips!), there’s shish kebabs made of meat, veggies, and mushrooms, suggesting that Toads, Toadettes, and Goombas everywhere may not even be safe. Though, I’ll give the kebab vendors the benefit of the doubt mushroom-wise, as their mushrooms look a lot like they’ve been stolen from an item box rather than plucked from a Toad. Though, Mario Kart World’s crimes against its own characters don’t stop there.
My final concerning observation was the Prehistoric Roast served over at Dino Dino Jungle and Far Away Oasis. Composed of a huge meat joint, vegetables, and an egg, my first thought was that Moo Moo Meadows’ cows are being put through the worst of it. If they’re being shipped off in World’s trucks and vans, then that would explain the rogue lunch bags found around the map or on the back of trucks, but then it hit me.
Yoshi is no stranger to Mario’s antics. He’s been punched and jumped on for as long as most Mario fans can remember. Yoshi has even been thrown to his death – multiple times – by his ‘friend’. Are Yoshis being used for food supplies? Is it these small dinosaurs that are being served in Prehistoric Roasts? Is this how the Mushroom Kingdom is trying to make a stand against Yoshi’s years of tax fraud?
I don’t know. What I do know is that Mario Kart World isn’t as hunkydory as it first seems, that’s for sure. And at least Luigi’s cream isn’t involved.