Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I love hot cocoa, Christmas decorations, Christmas music, snuggling under a blanket watching Christmas movies, eggnog, parties, and all the traditions that Christmas brings. I love seeing family and friends that I haven’t seen in a while. I love the reminder of childhood memories with aunts and cousins baking pies in the kitchen.
But, let’s be honest. Christmas can be one of the most difficult times of the year for many, and especially for single parents.
My first Christmas as a single mom is one of my saddest memories. My infant son and I spent the day alone. I was a brand new mom, and I struggled to find my way. Could I even be a good mom? I often wondered. I stared at my baby most of the day, as I laid in bed and cried. The phone did not ring. No one knocked at my door. I could not bear to cook a Christmas meal for just the two of us. Depressed does not even seem to be an adequate word to describe how sad I was that day. I almost yearned to go to work to interact with another adult.
I would love to tell you that, that was my only Christmas alone or Thanksgiving or Easter, or Valentine’s. I spent many holidays as a single mom. Frankly, many of them were sad. I want to encourage all you single moms out there not to make the same mistake I did. Those holidays were often spent with me, dwelling on the things I did not have. I was convinced everyone had a better life than I did, and I was angry. I wondered why my children had to suffer through not having two parents in their home. I was sad that I had little money to provide Christmas toys. I decidedly huddled under my covers and prayed the days away.
Here are the things I wish I would have done all those years ago:
1. Choose to focus on what God has given you. Maybe things did not turn out as you planned. Whose life ever does? God has blessed you beyond measure. Start with the cross. If God never does anything else for us, would not that be enough? But He does not stop there. He gives us our beautiful, amazing children, our jobs, residence, friends, health, family, church family, and a single mom sisterhood through The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. God is good, faithful, and provisional. Praise Him this season!
2. Choose to rejoice in the real reason for the season. Focus on Christ’s birth. Read the Christmas story to your kids, regardless of their ages. Create traditions with them, such as baking cookies, make ornaments for a nursing home, serve at a soup kitchen. Decide to focus on the real meaning of the season through service to others and family traditions. It makes the holidays a far more special time.
3. Choose to focus on the freedom Christ has given you. May I be totally honest with you? Christ paid for my freedom, oh so many years ago, but I refused to walk in it. You see, it was my choice to be bitter, unforgiving, and angry. It was my choice to play the victim and wonder why I had endured so much. It was only when I stopped speaking terrible things over my life, and when I chose to move beyond my past, that I embraced Christ’s freedom for my life. I chose life. I chose freedom. That’s when I truly learned to celebrate each holiday season and each day. My perspective in life shifted. Joy was then mine. It can be yours this day.
Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others.