A Warframe player has taken to Reddit to express his gratitude to the game and Digital Extremes for saving his marriage. The player, who goes by Foreign-Molasses7586, posted his story for the community to see, and has been met by overwhelming support and celebration from Tenno all over the world.
Titled “Thank you, Digital Extremes, Warframe saved my marriage”, the post explains that Foreign-Molasses7586 has had a “congenital malformation in the tendons of my ring and middle fingers”, which is in basic terms is an abnormality in the finger tendons that would make movement difficult. This, as you can imagine, is a real challenge to live with. However, Mr Foreign-Molasses7586 outright claims he struggled with “pleasuring my wife” as a result.
Enter Warframe, which seems to have changed everything for the lovely couple: “Then came Warframe. And with it, two frames that changed everything: Gauss and Atlas. I picked them up because they were fun and aggressive. What I didn’t expect was how demanding they were on my hands. At first, playing them hurt (a lot) because of all the spamming, but I kept going, because I loved the gameplay and I wanted to get better.”
Over time, Foreign-Molasses7586 started to fade and muscle tissue started to develop, leading them to invest in a new keyboard with heavier keys. This he claims brought back the pain, but allowed them to further improve their finger strength.
Finally, the payoff. Foreign-Molasses7586 dropped the wonderful news that his new fingers – the powerful and just fingers of a Gauss and Atlas player – were strong enough to take on a challenge more important than any Mastery Rank trail. “And last night, during an intimate moment with my wife, I was confident enough to bring it up again and IT WORKED (the movement is still rough around the edges but hey, it’s something!). We both just sat there after, kind of stunned. I was the happiest man alive.”
he doesn’t state outright what happened, but you can put two-and-two together – it’s unlikely he’s talking about a vigorous night of hair braiding. The comments to this post are hilarious and supportive. One user posts, “THANK YOU DE I CAN FINGER BLAST AGAIN!!!!!”, while another writes, “Digital Extremes really brought your digits to the… extreme”. One community member even wondered if Warframe studio Digital Extremes’ devs would read the post during its next stream. That should happen, 100%. This is exactly the sort of thing those lot love to spotlight.
All joking aside, this is a heartwarming story. Video games have been a long been a point of interest for those keen top explore their potential to aid in physical rehabilitation. In this Able Gamers post, it states that video games can be “a valuable tool in the rehabilitation process”. I’d wager that process doesn’t often involve, er, bedroom hijinks, but damn it, a win’s a win and the raunchy nature of this story only adds to the arguments for gaming’s use in this line of care.
So let’s all give a big congratulations to Foreign-Molasses7586 and their wife, and here’s to many more years of happy marriage and, for lack of a SFW term, passionate Gauss gameplay.